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When Family and Friends Show Skepticism Instead of Support
August 23, 2008
“You can be the cheerleader I did it because of or you can be the bitch I did it in spite of”
Whether you have a blog, business, or your blog is your business things can get tough when the support just isn’t there from the people that are closest to you.
Let’s go back in time, back in time to when you first started your blog or business. Can you remember how you felt? Were you filled with a sense of excitement, hope, and determination? If yes, maybe you still feel the same way — maybe you don’t. For any blog or business to be successful it takes: time, work, patience, and support.
Support being the most important of them all.
Wouldn’t you rather have the support?
It is possible that there are people who’ve made themselves extremely successful with no support at all — or so they say.
That may or may not be true, but for the majority of people I can say with assurance the support they got from their loved ones made all the difference.
I mean, starting a business isn’t like playing the lotto where a few days later you come to find you hit the jackpot.
You have to build your business from the ground up, so at the beginning it will be rough, there will be little to no income, you will have to work 10-12 hour days, and you will barely see your family.
With all the hard work and long hours you’ve been putting in your family and friends think you’re off to a great start, and that business must be doing well.
And in all reality, it is doing well, but there’s no income yet.
Then comes the dreadful question . . . “how much have you made so far?”
Now, the question isn’t really dreadful; it’s just they ask two weeks after you launched your blog or business.
Gees!
Then, when you answer . . . the negativity comes.
Unless you had funding when you first started your business, which a lot of people don’t, your first 2 weeks probably didn’t bring any income at all. But that doesn’t mean it sucks, or that it doesn’t work; or that it won’t be successful; or that you should quit while you’re at it — no.
Yet, “loved ones” seem to love to tell you these things — I’ll speak for myself on that one.
How can you cope with being the only one that believes in you?
Well, in my case my readers believe in me; that keeps me going. But in all reality, having no support from family and friends just gives me more of a drive to be successful.
If someone is telling you they don’t think you’re going to be successful, that is only their opinion and their views. They may not be looking at things in the same perspective you are. Just because they see things one way doesn’t mean they are correct.
So what do you do?
If it were up to me I’d keep on going. If I truly believe that my business is going to be successful, then there is nothing stopping me from attacking that goal head on with full force, and you should do the same. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you believe in; especially if this someone has never been a business owner or even attempted to start any kind of business whatsoever.
Most people that can’t see your vision are people that have no clue how to start a business — that’s why they can’t see your vision.
They are in an “employee” mindset. Employees, depending what field they’re in, are usually ordered around and told what to do. Not all, but most of their duties are physical and extremely monotonous; they lack creativity and innovation. Their jobs don’t require them to think for themselves if you will — at least not enough to become business owners.
Therefore, listen to yourself.
Why?
Because starting a business, whether Web based or brick and mortar, takes creativity and innovation — what they don’t have, which is precisely why they can’t see your vision.
What about if you’re in a relationship?
This is tricky. If you’re involved with someone, and they feel your “business” is getting in the way of the relationship it can be a problem; one that should happen less often.
Ultimately, the “business” will provide a wonderful life for everyone in just a matter of years.
Of course these “years” aren’t going to be anything short of “rough”, but if the support and love is there, then things should work out and it’ll all be worth it in the end, right?
But what if somebody gives in, decides these “years” are too long a wait, and that both of you would be better off getting a 9-5 for that secure paycheck every week?
Now what?
Your other half, support, companion is giving up; and to make matters worse they’re bringing the relationship to an ultimatum.
What do you do?
It’s either you quit your dreams of having a successful business, and go back to being an “employee” or the person you’re in a relationship with walks out on you. It’s a tough call, and one no one wants to make — it’s almost like dialing collect.
Do you do it? Is this fair to you?
On one hand you love this person, but on the other you always wanted to start your own business, and make more money than you could as an “employee”. So who’s being cut short, you or your spouse?
This is certainly a decision someone should make personally, and take time to themselves to think over thoroughly, therefore I won’t give a definite answer as to what you should do.
Instead, I’ll quote someone who’s not famous enough for me to remember, but what they said sure left a lasting impression on me. Before I quote there’s a little story that I will cut down to 3-4 sentences to help you better understand the quote.
There was a guy who wanted to start his own business, he did; his wife got tired of waiting for his success; she complained to him that maybe it wouldn’t work; she wanted him to quit and get a regular job; he said no and replied (and I quote):
“You can be the cheerleader I did it because of or you can be the bitch I did it in spite of.”
And by all means this applies to everyone, male or female; it doesn’t matter which side of the fence you’re on. And by the way, the wife was the one to actually tell this story, and after supporting her husband all the way to his success, she is now a successful business owner as well.
That sentence hit home for me. I knew then, exactly what I had to do. I’m not saying you should respond in the same manner the person I quoted did, but it’s something to think about. You have to decide what you want and what’s right for you.
Whoa! Not so fast, what do you have to say about all this?
Have you experienced something similar to what’s described in this post? How did you deal with it? What advice would you give to others on how to handle the situation?
Please, enlighten us in the comment section.
[...] Original post by Luis Gross [...]
Luis
That was awesome and needed to be looked at.On my blog I often criticize my so called fellow bloggers for not supporting each other. But I don’t think I ever mentioned that the biggest HATERS are right here in my own house.
On one hand my wife is always asking when? When is this vision of yours going to happen,she is very supportive in many ways but people just can’t see it. I see your future and I know it involves risk. The only risk I see is if you quit.
I don’t see that happening. Soon our blogs will be front row center stage and we will look back at this time as the incubation stage.It’s actually a blessing to have the time to prepare for the riot.
One of the things I’m now analyzing is why do people flock to and praise people that don’t care about them and disregard good people. Well most of that is based on the persons stats and amount of money they claim to make.
But as the momentum of your blog builds you will also be in that position. I can see it now when you ride by in a nice ride all those speculators will be like DAMN.
” I got to call Luis”,sadly you’ll have a new number and just answer when your real friends call. I can see it now;)
Luis you have some real talent even beyond blogging. I was just thinking that you should look to well known blogs and guest post. I’ll keep my eyes open and let you know if I see people offering. You’re ready Brother.Thanks
Stumbled,sent to the mixx,twit all that
John Sullivans last blog post..I like Obama but he’s an idiot on this one
I did a post recently about the simple 4 steps to success.
Step Three : Your mind tightly close to all negative influence. Those negative influences can come from places you least expect; friends, family and acquaintances.
You have to keep control of YOUR mind – it is yours and never let anyone in there!
Benny
http://www.ya-ttitude.com/blog
Benny Greenbergs last blog post..One Rotten Apple Spoils the Whole Bunch… Baby!
Hi Luis,
Your feed is in my reader too… uh, anyway. Thanks for letting me know about the post, I would not have seen it until Monday (I usually ignore the reader on the weekends, but not email).
This is a great post. Naysayers are on every level. My wife and I left our jobs three years ago (yes both of us) so that we could open a nursery school and spend our time with our children before they were both off in Kindergarten. EVERYONE doubted the wisdom of this move.
You won’t make any money; your business has a low ceiling; you won’t have any benefits!
We can always make more money, We can never make more time. We want the time with our children; it’s a lot more important than having a fat bank account. We can move on when they do. No benefits? Oh well, there were happy families before HMOs, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.
Three years have passed, our son goes to Kindergarten next September, and we’re closing the preschool in December (nine months ahead of schedule) to try on a different set of dreams. Now the same people who questioned us before, are at it again.
You won’t make any money; there are no guarantees; you won’t have any insurance!
All of you are correct, but let me tell you what we do have. Possibility without limit, and a full life lived without fear, but rather measured risk. If it doesn’t pay off, we can always get a 9-5. We’re smart, resourceful people. If it does work, than we’ll be stirring an umbrella into something frozen while the sun beats on our backs more often than just two weeks a year.
P.S. The quote that starts the post is AWESOME.
Writer Dads last blog post..A Time For Tears, A Time For Laughter
Sorry to plant a flag in the comment section. Not my intent, really. But I thought of something else.
The comment section on my site is thriving. It’s the single biggest surprise of the whole blogging adventure. I have five-hundred comments off twenty-five posts. The compliments are gushing. I say this not to brag, but rather to make a point. Three of those comments are from my own family. Total. All three from my sister. My father reads my posts every day, and has yet to leave a single comment, even though I’ve asked him several times. I don’t care about the comment count. I care that he show his public support.
When it comes to my family, it’s either hating or crickets chirping. But that’s fine, at least they show me what not to do with my own children.
Writer Dads last blog post..A Time For Tears, A Time For Laughter
Great stuff man! For me…I do what I do because of my family, not having their support would be very difficult for me. My wife may not understand totally what all this online stuff is about…but she knows I enjoy it…so, she supports me.
Without that support, things can get hard. Some people may use that as fuel to press on, and that’s fine. I just prefer not to find out what it feels like not to have family support!
Normal Joes last blog post..24 Hour Site Flipping Contest: Update
I was lucky to have parents who always supported the entrepreneurial spirit because they were always business owners themselves.
Also, I was self-employed when I met my wife, so she knew what was up from the beginning. I’ve had a few ups and downs over the years that she had to endure though, and that means everything.
You need to support your love one’s ideas, passions, and goals, because if you stifle them, you’re actually driving them away, even if things might seem normal at the time. They will likely resent you for stopping them (or trying to).
I’ve never been a big fan of “the back up plan” line either. Telling someone they need to have something to fall back on is subconsiously telling them that there’s a good chance they will fail. Read stories about people who have done extraordinary things because they had “no other choice”.
Be smart and prepare for rough times before you start your new venture? Yes.
Obviously, you don’t put your family’s mortgage and food in jeopardy to “try something on a whim”, but you also can’t NOT do something out of fear and risk regretting it later. As cheesy as it sounds, you only live once.
Cheers on a great (and important) post.
Jay
Suite Js last blog post..Sunday Morning Sacrifice: Jay’s Giving Up Coffee For You
Thank you all for the wonderful comments!
@John – Tell me about it. I actually get most of the encouragement to continue from people online. All the negativity comes straight from family and friends. ;( But, we’ve got to keep at it John, and not let it get in the way of our wants. Thanks for sharing with us!
@Benny – Yes, control is key. So far so good, I’ve been able to manage — I see a bright light at the other end of the blogosphere. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
@Writer Dad – You can plant your flag where ever you want! I must say I look up to you, and hope to raise my unborn children as well as you do yours. That is an amazing story and shows that you can’t always listen to what other people tell you. I think it’s wonderful you and your wife have the same vision, and I encourage the both of you to continue pursuing it.
Your blog is extremely prominent and everyone seems to love it (including myself). And, I’m sure your father will comment soon — maybe he’s a little shy after seeing all the other 30+ comments that were posted first —
P.S. My mother nor father can operate a computer!
Thanks for sharing with us Writer Dad; it’s appreciated.
@Normal Joe – Man, you have the cutest set of kids! I’m far from being married, but had a relationship with someone who didn’t quite get, let alone support, this whole “online” thing — so it had to end. I think it’s wonderful your wife is there for you, and the fact that you’re doing it for your family will make you that much more successful. And, your blog is off to an amazing start!
@SuiteJ – I could only dream of my parents being business owners — the thought actually makes me giggle and feel all warm inside.
But, it’s awesome that your parents were and gave you the support I can only dream of. Family is everything, and without them, everything just seems that much more difficult.
And, that is a good way of getting someone to understand your endeavors: meet them while you’re already self-employed —
I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences and thoughts on the subject. This is an important topic to me and you all left wonderful comments — I appreciate you all!
This is an excellent topic!
So many business newbies experience skepticism instead of support becuase their family and friends do not understand. Before they even learn what a business is about they are against it.
I have always told people, to ignore any “dream stealer’s” they have in their lives. Their family and friends can either accept their decision or choose not too.
Work At Home Mom Taras last blog post..Social Networks..How many are necessary?
I think when you stop trying to convince people, your family included, things will just go a lot smoother in your business.
There’s no way you’re going to convince someone to change their own preconceived notions and beliefs about your business or the whole home based business industry…so why try.
When you start making money some of the non-believers may come to your side, but some still may not.
Stay focused on your task at hand and you’ll improve YOUR life.
Good article Luis.
Corrisa;-)
Great article!
I am so happy that I have a husband that supports me.
Unfortunately, my grandmother (who raised me) and his parents are not so supportive. I ran a business for 7 years that made us a ton of money. But guess what, those unsupportive family members still asked me when I was going to get a REAL job. Also, my husband’s parent thought that all the money came from his job. Go figure! My husband made a third of what my business made and we would have never bought our house with just his income, we barely afforded the apartment we were living in with just his income.
Sorry for my rant. But it still gets me upset that even when successful they find a way to be negative or not see your accomplishments.
I just don’t understand them and decided that they are just stupid and crazy. At the moment, my husband made it clear to them that we will not discuss my business with them.
So even though I can not imagine having an unsupportive spouse (and thank God), I can relate to unsupportive family members.
My grandmother I can relate to however. She said that she just wanted the best for me. Well, I have said things and made choices for my son (8 years old) that geared him towards what I thought was the best for him. For instance, I teach him about persuading people by allowing him to continue trying to persuade me into letting him play more on the video games. Also, I discouraged him from wanting to be a police officer telling him that they don’t make much money and his family may be poor and suffer if he chooses that route. I also tell him that owning a company instead of working for a company is the way to be successful. So in a sense, I am doing the same as my grandmother.
But unlike my grandmother, eventually my son may choose a different path as me and I will have to accept it and support him.
Sorry again for my rant.
Wow… you hit ALL the nails on the head with this one! I can relate to it all. You are right, you have to be an innovative to be successful in any business. At times, a lot of the time, you are all alone because no one understands your vision more than you. I’ll be book marking this one… definitely!
This post REALLY hit home. You are exactly right about the possibility of having to make tough decision when your support group isn’t supportive. The naysayers will be correct if we let the crap they’re saying get to us. Anyone puking that negativity into my face will simply have to be removed. I don’t have the time for it. Thank God my wife likes my blog.
Talk to you soon
@Tara – You are so right Tara. That is the biggest problem people face: support from their families. If only more people would do what you said, ” . . . ignore the dream stealer’s . . . ” and just keep on trucking.
@Corrisa – That is some of the best advice I’ve heard in a long time. Thank you. It’s true, but I’ve never thought of it. Why not just stop trying to convince, forget the support, and do it without it? Great advice.
@Emily – Hey, you can rant all you want — this is your blog too! Thank you for sharing your experiences; I really appreciate it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be successful and still get negative responses from family members — that must be extremely difficult. But, it’s great that you have your spouse supporting you. Just do like he said and don’t discuss business with the rest. Your grandmother was very wise, and I see she passed that wisdom on to you as you are to your son. What you’re teaching him now, will better him later — you’re a great mom!
@The Watcher – Thank you; I appreciate it. Yes, innovation is the best way to make it big. It’s also the main reason why little support comes along with great innovation — only you can see your vision. Thanks for bookmarking!
@T Edwards – I like your straightforwardness, “Anyone puking negativity in my face will simply be removed.” I agree. It must be done for the sake of our business’. Any feeding into the nonsense will eventually cause failure.
I want to thank everyone for stopping by and leaving such wonderful comments. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us; we all appreciate the feedback and encouragement to continue to move on without the negative input from others — be it our family members or anyone else. You guys are great! Much success to all of you on all your endeavors.